Empty

I feel so empty right now. Nauseous. Devastated. Horrible. We came home from a birthday party and had big plans to watch a few Dexters. Until we couldn't find the remote due to a two year old. "Go look in the garage and feed the dogs too" I told Drew. 5 minutes later all I heard is an awful yell and I heard him running up the stairs. 

My Shady is dead. Our beautiful boxer princess who we have had for 9 years years. My eyes are burning. I'm pretty sure I popped a vessel in one from crying so hard. I feel awful because she was all alone. Poor Mia was in there with her, what happened? Did she lay down to sleep and pass away? Was she in pain? what was Mia doing while it was happening? She was fine this morning. She was running around barking at the dogs next door. I'm so confused. I should have been there with her.

Life has changed so much since she was a puppy. I feel like I didn't have a chance to love on her the way I used to because I'm so busy with everything else. I hope she knew how much we loved her. 

Shady was such a good girl. When she was little she was a complete terror. She ate everything. One time she ate a whole box of BBs! At our old house she brought our sprinkler into the house while it was on. We were downstairs putting the sheet rock in the basement and all the sudden there was water running down the stairs. We went running upstairs and all we saw was Shady happy as can be chasing the sprinkler in the middle of the kitchen. It wasn't too funny at the time but a few hours later it became one of our favorite stories to tell. She was such a doll. 

I'm so sorry that I wasn't here for her. I pray that she passed peacefully in her sleep. I'm truly going to miss my pretty princess who let me paint her toes and was always a shoulder to cry on. Please keep Mia in your thoughts because I know it's going to be rough for her with her best friend gone. 

I'm so sorry Shady. I love you lady and I'll miss you forever. 

 

Birthday time!

Today is A-mans birthday! I can't believe he is two years old. I made another month to month picture decoration and it amazes me how much he has changed in the course of a year. He is so so smart and handsome. I need to start taking even more advantage of the days I have off to spend all my focus on him so I can soak up all of his beauty. It hurts my heart that he is two but I'm thrilled to see him develop and grow.

For his birthday this year we did Toy Story theme. It's a little over the top obnoxious but hey.... I don't give a shit my kid is now TWO!! Ill post some pics later. But here is one now for your drooling pleasure ;)

New what?

It sure has been awhile since I wrote down my personal thoughts for the Internet world to see. My ass has been working like crazy! Luckily since the holidays are over I have been getting off earlier and now I have time to blog.

The new year is always a fresh start for most people. As for me I really just want to stay on track with what I'm doing now. So here are my goals for the new year...

1. Continue taking charge of health. I've been really good lately and I have actually lost 16 pounds in the last few months. I would love to lose another 15. But I'm not setting myself up for a "by a certain day" type of plan. I just want to gradually do it and feel all around better. Which I WILL.

2. Go to church more. I love church and for whatever lame reason I think of that Sunday I seem to be skipping it more and more often. I think my problem is I hate going alone. The thought of sitting in that big ass pew by myself makes me snuggle deeper into my blankets and say F it.

3. Get A potty trained. I don't quite know what technique I'm going to use yet but he will be trained by summer.

4. Do some 5Ks again. Last year I did 3 5Ks which was pretty awesome. This year I'm already signed up for the Ogden Marathon so that's a go, and I want to do the foam run again for sure and possibly one more.

5. Have more girls nights. Gasp! Heaven forbid I go out on the weekends without my kid and my husband! It seems like I rarely hang out with the girls anymore. Well, lets be honest I don't really have many "girls" to hang out with anyway. But still the few is us need to have so girl time to talk about our weight, makeup, and our husbands. Oh and drink some adult beverages.

6. I don't know yet. I'm sure I can make up some random shit to insert here but I want to only make goals I can keep.

So there you go, my goral a for everyone to see. Ill keep you posted on what happening as I do it!

19.87 hours

Is that even legal? That my friends is how many hours I worked today. I went in at 12 pm last night and got off at 7:30 pm tonight. I am exhausted. My body hurts. My fingers feel like they are going to fall off and my feet are killing me.

And the results are.....

Got the job! Boom baby!

The end of my two year hiatus

I'm going to an interview today. I haven't worked for the MAN for almost two years. I've been a SAHM for awhile now and I'm very sad to change my routine...but excited too. "It's a complicated emotion" -Finding Nemo. Hmmm maybe I do need to be around adults more... F

If your wondering where I will be *possibly* coming out of retirement to its Kneaders Bakery as a Pastry Assistant. I figured if I can work in a bakery doing what I like it will look better for my 5 year plan of opening my own bakery. Plus the hours are ideal. I would work 5-1 so I will be home by lunch and still be able to have the day with my A. Ill just miss breakfast and changing his morning shit diaper. (The shit diaper will not be missed)

So wish me luck, I'm sure if I get the job I will be lacking sleep and my messy house will be even messier. Make ahead freezer meals are going to be my new hobby. My A will surely miss me like crazy for the 4 hours of his life I'm going to miss.

Ill update later! Wish me luck!

Only child thoughts

It sure is funny how people are so involved in your personal decisions. When you first start dating someone and are together over a year the question you get is "When are you two getting married?" So you bite the bullet and get married. Once you have been married awhile you start getting asked "When are you two going to have a kid?" So eventually you have a kid. Then when your kid turns one people start asking "When are you having another one?".

When did it become so important to have to put in your two sense about another persons family? I feel like we are constantly having to defend our tentative decision to have only one kid to everyone. Is it really that bad?? Sure I have a sister and I know what it's like having a sibling. But I also know several only children who are perfectly happy without a sibling. The pros and cons of both options are just about equal in my book.

With only one child you can give that kid your complete attention. Financially you won't have to worry because your not buying clothes, paying for school and extracurricular activities for more then one person. Your kid will grow up being the first and last child and will naturally assume those roles. The stigma about it is they aren't as social as children with siblings, they won't know how to share or interact well with others. Really? Because I'm pretty positive if you keep your child involved they will be able to do these things. Sure only child enjoy their privacy and naturally withdraw from groups when they want alone time, but they also have the benefit of knowing that they can have alone time whenever they want.

Siblings are a whole different story. Two kids or more mean double the work and time. And I question if I really want to do that. My sister and I didn't get along when we were younger. We weren't all that close because we really had nothing in common. Sure we would talk about how crazy our parents were, or if she would sneak out I would pretend not to know so I didn't get in trouble too. When I think back on my childhood I really only remember us fighting or arguing about something. Yeah we hung out but didn't have the same friends so she would drag me to all these parties and I would sit there like the dorky sister who was just there to lie to mom when we got home. In all honesty we only got close when we hit 20. So when I'm asked about giving A a sibling, to me it's up in the air. Based on my life it's nice to have someone there to deal with everything, but when your not close to your sibling the whole playmate scenario doesn't really matter.

Andrew is pretty set on his decision to only have one. After writing all this down it kind of seems like I'm in that same mindset. But I'm trying to keep my mind open just in case I change it or Andrew changes his. As far as how I feel right now, I don't have the urge to get pregnant again. Who knows how long that will last but I don't foresee it changing anytime soon.